On Becoming a Parent

Today marks Cali's 1/2 birthday... 6 MONTHS OLD.

How in the world did we get here??? I feel like I just had her yesterday.

Well, I'm exaggerating but it doesn't feel like it's been 6 months already! Next thing I know, I'll blink and she'll be driving a car and hating me because she's a girl and I'm her mom and that's apparently a phase they go through.

In my old world I would cope with such an emotional day by binging on Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and vegging out in front of a Gilmore Girls Marathon. But, alas, my daughter doesn't have the stomach for Ben & Jerry and I no longer have the time for my beloved Lorelei's. Thus, I am sitting here eating smoked meat (for breakfast), a pear (booorrriinnnggg), and tearing up over newborn pictures of Cali. 

Hey. Whatever works, right?

Becoming a new parent has taught me a lot... How to change a diaper, how to get poop out of clothes, how to take a shower in under 10 minutes, how to find a pacifier in total darkness, or how to hide the spit up on my clothes.

You know, important stuff.

But there is a lot that parenting has taught me about myself. Stuff that I, honestly, probably, would've rather stayed covered up but it is what it is. And I suppose that self revelations probably help us grow into better people. 

I've learned just how much I value(d) sleep and just how grumpy I can get without it; how quickly I can say hurtful things without thinking about the effects they have on others. I used to get at least 10 hours of sleep every night. Now, between Cali waking up early and T and I having late date nights, I'm lucky to get 5 hours straight. 

I see now just how much I *cringe* idolize perfection and a clean home. I spend way too much time stressing over whether or not things are just so and if the house is in order, and not enough time enjoying the small moments with my new family. T is amazing at helping me slow down and realize what's important and worth my time and energy.

Having Cali has also taught me how to not cut corners. With all of her digestive issues, and me having to cut out my favorite foods, I have to put aside my own wants and desires for her. And it's totally worth it. I want her to look at me one day and be proud of me. Proud to call me her mother. I want her to see admirable qualities in who I am as a wife, mother, and - most importantly - child of God. I want enough self-control in all areas of my life that her betterment ALWAYS comes before my weaknesses. 

She has taught me just the tiniest amount of how much God loves us. As much as my heart is filled with her, and as much as I would give to keep her safe and happy, God loves us more. Unbelievable. 

Being a parent is amazing. It's hard and exhausting, and reveals a lot of ugly truths about myself, but I FREAKING LOVE IT. 

And her.

A lot.

10 Surprising Things About Being a New Mom

I've known my whole life that I wanted to be a mother. I've always said that I'll take as many kids as God is willing to give me and I can provide for. You see, my parents are "houseparents" at a children's home called the Big Oak Ranch and we've lived there since I was 5. So my entire life I've grown up with at least 10 people in the house, but often times more. The noise and chaos can be a bit much sometimes but you're never bored.

Or, you shouldn't be. 

Even with having grown up around a large family and always knowing that I wanted children, I was never around too many babies so there have been a few surprises! 

OK. There have been a ton of surprises but seeing as how this post would be never ending if I listed them all (since I'm surprised on a daily basis), I'm only going to list a few. 

But here you go. A few things that have surprised me about being a first time mother:

1. How interested I would become in *cringe* bowel movements -  It's inevitable. You're 100% responsible for this tiny, living, human and so therefore you'll be in charge of it's poop. I knew I'd have to change diapers, that's a given, but I didn't realize just how interested I would become in it. I've Googled pictures of it, smelled it, observed the color of it, saved it to show the doctor. Yes, I've walked around with a cloth diaper full of poop in my purse. For someone that used to like to pretend that poop didn't exist, I've become somewhat of an expert.

2. That I would actually enjoy breastfeeding - Look, I know the research, I know what's best for my child, I know it's natural. But never did I ever (HA!) think I would breastfeed. Much less enjoy it. I said up until the day I gave birth that I couldn't imagine doing it. I knew she'd need my milk so I thought I'd just pump it and bottle feed her (which is a totally hard and amazing thing to do for you moms that choose to!) but when the nurses laid her on my chest for the first time, there was an instant change in thinking. She latched on, and we never looked back. We were extremely blessed not to experience any problems so this probably has something to do with why I like it.

3. The fact that I could love my husband more than I already did - T and I have been best friends from the start. We enjoy hanging out and spending our days together and I loved the life we had built with just the two of us. I thought I loved him to my fullest capabilities but, obviously, I was wrong. Watching him and Cali together has expanded my capacity to love more than I ever thought possible. Loving him as a husband and loving him as a dad are two completely different feelings.

4. How much I would miss sleep -  This is another one that you think you're prepared for, but you're not really. At least I wasn't. They say you'll be tired, yada, yada, yada. I had no idea. There was a while there that I started seeing things that weren't there I was so tired. I felt like the walking dead... literally. Like a haze over my eyes where I was living in the world but not completely computing everything that was going on around me. It's brutal. And a form of torture in war. I get it now. But at least I get to stare at her adorable face while I'm sleep deprived. Totally worth it. 

5. The fact that I could think fat rolls are so friggin cute - Seriously. Have you ever seen chunky, baby thighs? Cutest. Thing. Ever.

6. How much I would get peed/pooped on - And not think anything of it. Really. It's like she waits to urinate and blow that nasty crap (literally) until her diaper is off and I'm leaning in. And how do I react? I just wipe it off and keep on keepin' on. Just another day in the life of...

7. How hard it would be to leave her - This one was a doozy for me. I'm not positive if it's because we spend so much time just the two of us during baseball season or if it's something that all moms go through but leaving her in nursery for the first time was BRUTAL. And it wasn't even real nursery. We were at the gym and it was 30 minutes and I was less than 50 yards away. By the time I went to get her I was convinced she liked the nursery worker better than me and that she was mad that I had left her. Obviously I'm crazy but the feelings were there no matter how many times I told myself they were irrational. I can only pray I don't scar her for life with my insanity.

8. How absolutely terrifying it is - From the moment I found out that I was pregnant (and convinced I had a brain tumor), to this very minute I have been terrified. I worry about how she sleeps, how much she sleeps, how she poops, how her hand moves, whether she's laughing enough, whether she's socializing enough, will she like me?, does she know me?, am I going to teach her right from wrong, etc. Again, this probably isn't normal (and definitely not healthy... I know that) but the fact of the matter is that it's a constant struggle for me. I have always leaned towards expecting the worst (which is also something I need to work on) and that didn't change with having Cali. It only intensified. All I can do is hide my fears from her and - once again - pray that she's not as crazy as I am.

9. How hard it is - I'll admit something to you: I probably judged you before I had a kid. I probably criticized the way your kid slept, was dressed, how they behaved, how clean/messy your house was, your relationship with your husband, etc. I read a few books and thought I knew it all. BOY, WAS I WRONG. So here I am... Apologizing to all of you. I'm an idiot and a reformed know-it-all. It's freaking HARD. I'm lucky to make it out of every day with both Cali and I in tact. 

10. How little time I would actually have to myself and not mind - Because even when you're physically by yourself, you're not. You're listening for them to wake up, you're cleaning up after them, you're thinking about their well-being, you're wondering how you'll ever get all of the spit up stains off of your best shirts. It's never ending and I can only imagine it only gets to be more as they get older and mobile. Crap. I'm not even close to being prepared for that. I need to child proof everything now. But you know what? I love her so much that I don't miss the alone time. I didn't see that one coming at all. 

Anyways, as tough and hard and exhausting as it all is... I love her to my very core. 

I'm going to go give up some very precious alone time to stare at her while she sleeps.

Until next time.

Lessons Learned From a First Time Dad - A Guest Post!

So today I am SUPER DUPER excited because T is guest blogging! I've always enjoyed his writing style and (don't tell him) his sense of humor. I hope you enjoy reading his post as much as I did. :)

Without further ado...

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This is for all the Bro-Daddy’s or whatever you want to call yourself to feel cooler/tougher as a first time dad.  You know whom I am talking about.  The guy that secretly likes pushing the stroller with his baby in there.  The same guy that knows deep down inside that his car looks a lot better with a car seat in back.  Don’t be alarmed, this is a safe place, and I wrote this for you. 

Cali is now 5 ½ months old.  Wow, I somehow survived 5 ½ months.  Before Cali I had zero experience with babies.  ZERO.  My only interaction came when my sister brought her daughter home and if I were asked to hold her I would reluctantly do it while keeping her an arms length away.  Nobody wants to be hit with that foreign milky substance of someone else’s child.  It’s gross if it isn’t your own.  Now I catch it in my hands before it hits Cali’s clothes.  With all my enthusiasm and focus you would think I’m corralling chunky water from the Fountain of Youth.  Interesting turn of events to say the least. 

What I want to do is provide you with some things I’ve learned over the last couple months.  Hopefully you can relate and maybe I can help alleviate some of your concerns.  First off we are going to play a little game called NORMAL/NOT NORMAL.  Here goes…

Normal:  To feel like your heart is going to explode with nervousness the first night you take your baby home.  Your heart will also feel like it is going to explode with love but that’s a different topic.

Not Normal: To have no heart beat.  Seriously, check that out before you leave the hospital.

Normal:  To sing and dance terribly with your baby in your arms.  My favorite song to butcher is “Wagon Wheel”.  I like to sing “Rock me Daddy like a wagon wheel”.  Insert your own lyrics and hold nothing back.

Not Normal:  To be a triple threat like Justin Timberlake and perform for your child.  Try not to show up us less talented dads.

Normal:  To stand over your baby’s crib and watch them sleep.  It’s also okay to make sure they are breathing.  With each sound Cali made I was looking up like a Meerkat to make sure everything was okay.

Not Normal:  To sleep like a rock while your baby grunts its way through the night.  I had no idea such a sweet, little newborn baby could make so much noise. 

Normal:  This one is especially for me…to take 15 or more minutes to change a diaper and dress your baby.  You can’t rush perfection and those fat rolls need cleaning!

Not Normal:  To get the clothes on in one try.  With all those wiggly, jiggly parts moving I’ll get one leg in and when I try the other one the first leg comes out.  I can get the arms in but those fingers are a different story.  Stubborn girl. 

Normal:  To feel like a fish out water.  To feel inadequate.  To feel intimidated by the connection the baby and it’s mother have. 

Not Normal:  To let those fears keep you out of the game.  Jump in, all hands on deck!  The only way to develop your own connection with the baby is to be with the baby.  Sounds pretty self-explanatory.

Normal:  To love that collection of fat rolls and gurgling sounds more than you could have ever imagined.  To melt with every smile sent your way.  To love and appreciate your spouse/baby’s mama on a completely different level.  To love the change and direction your life is taking.  That should be the only NORMAL.

          

That’s the end of our first edition of NORMAL/NOT NORMAL.  This is a small snapshot of our first 6 months and some of the things I’ve learned as daddy to Cali.  Feel free to add/share some of your own NORMAL/NOT NORMAL.  We appreciate a good sense of humor.

21 Things That No One Ever Tells You Before Your First Baby

***Added 9/11/13... I am overwhelmed by the number of people who have visited my little blog because of this article. I never imagined that this many people would see it! I hope you enjoy it and stay a little while. Feel free to browse my other posts or leave comments! I love feedback :) Have a great day from my little family to yours!***

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I didn't really believe it. T and I had given ourselves a year to conceive because we were in the middle of baseball season and he was gone every other week. Plus, we'd heard that it could take a couple that was actively trying up to 9 months. 

When it only took 1 month I was convinced that the pregnancy test I had taken was expired and faulty. Well, let me be honest. I was convinced that the first 11 tests I had taken were faulty. Then I Googled (ugh) faulty pregnancy tests and learned that there was a brain tumor that could cause raised levels of HCG. Well, I had been having some headaches so yes... that must be what it was. A brain tumor.

My first OBGYN visit didn't alleviate my fears. He didn't do an ultrasound and told me I "may be pregnant but it's early and hard to tell". 

Ummm... OK.

I wasn't having any other symptoms aside from headaches and getting fat. I honestly spent a month after my initial at home test believing that there was a good chance I had a brain tumor and not a baby. I was a little paranoid and suspicious. 

Anyways, once we found a (better) doctor in Atlanta, he did an ultrasound and we got to see our tiny jumping bean in my belly, I finally believed I was pregnant. I quickly found out that when you're pregnant people want to give you a lot of unsolicited advice. They'll advise you on everything from how to get your baby to sleep, what kind of diapers to use, what kind of food you should/shouldn't be eating, how far you should bend over, and what kind of unicorn you should kiss to tell the baby's gender. It never stopped.

After having Cali I decided, that while everyone seemed quick to tell me all sorts of nonsense, no one seemed to want to tell me the real stuff.

So here it is. 21 things that no one tells you before your first baby. 

Before and After Labor

1. Those breathing exercises everyone wants you to do? They're CRAP. They do NOT help lessen the pain of labor. Don't waste your time.
2. Speaking of labor... I had contractions 55 seconds apart from the get-go. When I finally got to the hospital (in an ambulance because I thought I was going to give birth in the car) I was dilated to a ZERO. I had no idea that could happen.
3. When your water breaks, it feels like you're peeing on yourself. It doesn't *gush* (sorry for the descriptive wording) like it does in the movies. (**Apparently, according to commenters, it actually CAN gush! It just goes to show you that every pregnancy is different. Maybe I'll have my own "gushing" experience with the next child. Though I really hope it's not in public!**)
4. Your butt will go numb from sitting in the hospital bed so long after labor. The more you can move, the better.
5. If you go into labor "after hours" the anesthesiologist isn't actually at the hospital. They have to call him when you reach a 4 and it can take him an hour and a half to get there (This may actually vary from hospital to hospital but go ahead and ask just to be prepared).
6. Your baby will not look like a cute cherub all cooing and pink like in movies when it first comes out. They will most likely look like a wrinkly, slimy, mix of an alien and old man.
7. Get thyself some Colace and start taking them as soon as you give birth. That's all I'll say.
8. You'll also want to soak some granny pads and freeze them to have on hand. Just trust me.
9. A hot bath is OK and delightful (I should probably say "ask your doctor" or some such mumbo jumbo but my nurses had me take one 24 hours after delivery and 1 a day for the first 4 weeks post partum). (**According to a nurse in the comments, this advice is controversial. So I actually will say "Ask your doctor"**)
10. You won't actually get tons of sleep in the hospital because the nurses will come in every 30 minutes. Go ahead and stock up now.

Bringing Baby Home

1. You will never be as terrified as you will be the first night you bring your baby home. Feel free to take turns staying up all night holding them and never once laying them in their crib if it makes you feel better.
2. There is a good chance your baby will choke. They won't do it in the hospital where there are nurses and doctors everywhere. No. They'll do it when you're vulnerable and alone at home. Feel free to panic if it makes you feel better but this is completely normal. 
3. The cliche advice of "sleep while the baby sleeps" is bologna. 
4. Even if you're an independent person and don't like people in your space, utilize every available helping hand you can get that first week home. Let them clean, cook, fold clothes, etc, while you hold your new one. They'll soon all forget about you and you'll be left to do it all yourself.
5. Take as many pictures as you want. You'll be a little overwhelmed those first few days home but try to remember to take just a couple of snapshots.
6. You'll still look 6 months pregnant for a while and feel really jiggly. Go ahead and order a Bellefit. BEST. INVESTMENT. EVER. I can't say that enough.
7. Get all your TV watching in now while they sleep 22 hours a day. It will only be about 6-8 weeks before they'll require a lot more attention.
8. Any time some random stranger decides to stop you and tell you how you should be parenting (Which will be every single time you step out in public), try not to hit them. Smile, nod, and walk away. 
9. Your post partum hormones are a doozy. You can't prepare for the onslaught of emotions that will come with giving birth. It's completely normal to feel scared, nervous, and like you're not cut out to be a good parent (If these feelings get worse and not better or last longer than a couple of weeks, talk to someone).
10. That hideous linea nigra? It will still be there up to a year after you give birth. Yeah. I know.
11. The first time you decide to workout (or laugh too hard/climb the stairs too fast/etc) after labor, you'll probably pee on yourself.

So there you have it. The 21 things I felt like you should know before your first baby.

You're welcome.

Oh. And one more...

You'll grow to love this child more than you ever knew you were capable.

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