Wednesday, February 17, 2016

15 Thoughts This Mom Has Every Day

In between playing Ring Around the Rosie with Cali 457 times a day (it's her current obsession), and feeding Nash gas drops allll day, or responding to requests like "Mommy! I'm pooping! Wipe my butt!", I tend to have the same reoccurring thoughts on a daily basis. My days are pretty redundant during this phase of my life and I thought I'd let you into the very tired brain of a mom of a newborn and toddler.
In case you were wondering.
I'm not solving world peace or anything but here it is none the less...

1. Can my arm fall off from reaching over the bassinet and patting the baby's butt so much?
This is a legitimate concern. Nash's bassinet is right next to my side of the bed and I feel like I spend 3/4 of the night reaching over to pat his butt to teach him to "self soothe". I'll be honest. I usually give up 30 minutes in and rock/nurse him to sleep. Surely I'm doing permanent damage. They say patting the butt helps him learn to fall asleep on his own but I'll take bets on which happens first: my kid sleeping, or my arm falling off. My guess is the arm.
2. Remember when I used to like partying at 3am?
Seriously. How did I function in college? When I really think about how little sleep I got back then, it's amazing I didn't nod off in the middle of conversations. Which I did to my husband the other day,by the way. Yup. In the middle of him talking to me, I fell asleep sitting up. Oops. But why can't I seem to find the energy I used to have? Not to mention my diet no longer consists of wine and frozen corndogs 3 meals a day. You think I'd have more energy. Not less.
3. How does Cali run off so little sleep?
Speaking of energy, my 3 year old seems to have it in SPADES. And she's a horrible sleeper. Always has been. Maybe it's because I gave up patting her butt too soon.
4. I need to lay off Google.
Google is the devil. For realz, y'all. In the middle of the night, while I'm patting Nash's butt with my right hand, my left hand is usually Googling something like "Yellow mucous poop in newborn?" or "How much coffee is too much coffee?" or even "WHEN WILL MY KID SLEEP?!" and the results always make me either A)Worried something serious is wrong with my baby or B) guilty that I seem to be the only mom in the universe who's kid(s) refuses to sleep.
5. I should flirt with Tim more.
Poor Tim. I'm so tired these days that 99.9% of our conversations consist of talking about my Google searches, Crazy Cali, or my lack of sleep. The other .01% of our conversations, I apparently fall asleep during. He really is a saint. (And before all of you crazy internet commenters start giving me marriage advice, I'm exaggerating. A little. My marriage is great.)
6. How can I go pee without a baby attached to me and Cali following me to the bathroom?
This sounds like it would be easy but trust me... It takes very strategic planning and lots of distraction.
7. What is that smell?
Oh. It's me. Must be spoiled milk and unwashed hair.
8. How many times a day can Cali say "Mommy! Watch this Mommy!"?
I think her record is probably somewhere around 583 times in an hour. And the stuff she wants me to watch is usually things like her grinding crackers into my carpet, or her jumping off the bed, or her trying to pick up Nash. Ya know, things I should probably correct her on but she's always so dang proud of herself.
9. I wonder who Ben kicked off "The Bachelor" last night.
Don't judge me. I like this show. And never get to watch it live. Like, ever. I'm aware of the fact that I'm 31, with two kids, and a house to keep up and so my brain space should really be occupied by more important things than trash TV but what can I say? It's my guilty pleasure.
10. Have I fed Cali lunch today?
Or has she only eaten things like cheese and crackers? Probably the latter. Sure, go ahead and tell me that if I wasn't thinking about things like who Ben Higgins marries then I'd probably remember to feed my kid an actual meal. I'll just tune you out.
11. When does Tim come home? Is he home yet? Is it close to him being home?
No. In case you were wondering. We've still got, like, 1,000 days. Not really but that's what it feels like. How do military spouses and single parents do it? They're heroes. Like, should be given medals kinda heroes.
12. Can I buy some magic unicorn dust that will somehow make this easier?
You know, something that will make my kids sleep or get my newborn to not cry so much or will magically clean my house. Tell me where to find that and I'll pay good money for it.
*Google searches 'magic unicorn dust'*
13. How many days in a row have I worn these yoga pants?
14. I should probably go to sleep now. I'll be up again in 30 minutes. Patting Nash's butt.
Never fails. Every night when both of my kids FINALLY fall asleep, and I'm staying up watching a recap of The Bachelor, this thought goes through my head. But sometimes I just need quiet. But I also know that soon and very soon one (or both, more than likely) of my kids will wake up so I probably need to take advantage of this time and actually sleep. And I will. Right after this group date...
15. This too shall pass.
I tell myself this every. single. day. Parenting is tough. And despite my jokes about magic unicorn dust, it's not supposed to be easy. WE'RE RAISING HUMANS. Actual people that will grow up and go out into the world and make some sort of impact. And I'm 100% aware that I am SO FREAKING BLESSED to live this life. Honestly. I'm living my dream. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, I've given up on ever getting more than 5 hours of straight sleep until my kids are out of the house. And no, I don't shower every day (Do not give me that look). But when Cali wraps her arms around me and says something like "I love you mommy. We best friends" or "I so essited to cuddle with you" my heart melts into one giant puddle of mush and temporarily forget every other thought running through my head. Because the time is NOW and babies don't keep. So I'll pat Nash's butt and spin around the Rosie until I fall over. This is a season and I'll miss it when it's gone. 

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