Journey to Us - Final Chapter

Read the first 4 parts of our love story here.

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I mentioned I wasn't exactly in a trusting place in life. I really thought I would never trust someone enough to spend my life with them, much less a professional athlete. My first "real date" with T changed all of that...

He had an off day and the night before happened to be a midnight premier of the new Harry Potter movie. I realized I was letting my geek hang out but suggested it to him anyways. At dinner before the movie was the conversation that allowed me to realize I had a shot at trusting this crazy guy.

I won't go into detail because - to be quite honest - I didn't even want to know most of it. But he laid it all out on the table for me. Where he had been in past relationships, where he was currently in life, and what he wanted out of his future. He went into way too much detail (which I will come to realize is just part of his no-filtered personality) and showed me all of his cards. It was a refreshing change of course from the guys I had been going out with that were feeding me a bunch of bull honkey they thought I would want to hear. T knew I wouldn't like some of what he had to say but he shot it to me straight. 

It was exactly what I needed.

Over the next 2 years, as I got to know more about and spend more time with T, my feelings only got stronger. I had never found someone who I felt so right with. I hated the sport of baseball but thoroughly enjoyed watching him play. He is hard working, intelligent, thoughtful, and everything he does is geared towards making the most of the incredible talent that God has given him. I watched him speak to school kids, FCA's, and individuals on using the gifts God has given us. I saw such an incredible heart for others and a true gift of leadership. 

He had every quality in a husband and father that I wanted.

Getting to know T changed my entire definition of the word "love". I had said it before but until he came along I never really knew what it meant. 

Love is a choice. It's a decision to put someone ahead of yourself. It is patient, kind, selfless, it doesn't put one's accomplishments above another's, or brag. Love is humble, and never rude, crude, or indecent. It isn't easily upset, or keep a scoreboard of wrongs, and is truthful. Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along with it. It trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.

Sounds familiar?

Funny how I had the answers of what to look for in love right in front of me my entire life. It's funny how I spent so long questioning whether God existed and yet when I wanted to change, He graciously - and LOVINGLY - accepted me back. He then handed me a gift in T. God opened up an entire section of my heart that I never knew existed and allowed me the great love of my life. 

I don't deserve T (he will dispute that but I'm here to tell you it's true). I consider him my personal gift from a very merciful God. We're going to celebrate our 4 year anniversary this year, so we're still newlyweds, and we recently welcomed our 2nd daughter (our first is a schipperke mut that we got from the pound), and I couldn't imagine my heart being filled with more love than it is today. When I've had long days, sleepless nights, or outside stressors, he's still my deep breath that calms me. He always encourages me in any endeavor I may want to embark on and cheers me on every step of the way. He pushes me to consistently be the best version of myself and to never settle for less than I am capable of. He supports and believes in my desire to be a stay at home mother and makes sure to let me know that I have the hard job (I really don't but I let him think I do). 

One of my favorite quotes on love comes from the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller...

"I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.
I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding you love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.” 

I am so very grateful, humbled, and blessed to have a husband and best friend that is the earthly example of Christ's love for the church. I look forward to the many days, years, and seconds, that God has in store for our future.

To my dearest friend and lifelong partner, T...

I love you.

Journey to Us - Part 4

You can read the first 3 parts of our love story here.

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So it was the Summer of 2007 and I was trying to figure out my new direction in life. I wasn't taking classes but I was the manager at a local restaurant. We had just fired our night manager and I was working 14 hour days to cover her shifts. I came home one night around 1 am and turned on my computer to check my emails. My AOL instant messenger popped up (this is 1. making me feel old and 2. bringing back great memories) and a screen name I didn't recognize had sent me a message. The details are now lost from my foggy brain but I'm sure it said something really smooth like "hey".

Let me just stop here and clarify one thing. I did not - in any way, shape, form, or fashion - want to date anyone at this point in my life. Actually, I was contemplating whether or not I ever wanted to date again. I was settling in comfortably to the thought of being single for the rest of my life. I know people say this a lot but I actually mean it. I'm a loner by nature and tend to hate roommates (my OCD personality makes me a horrible one anyways) so I really thought I could do life on my own. The one person I had trusted most in life had just cheated on me and I didn't think I'd ever be able to fully trust anyone again. I also didn't believe in soul mates. I thought you could choose to spend your life with anyone and be happy; and I still think that to an extent. But more on that later...

So that's where I was. Back to the regular scheduled programming...

I typed a quick hello back and went to bed, not really thinking anything of it. Over the next few days I discovered that the man on the other side of the screen name was T and we began some general conversation. At some point I got an email from him, we exchanged phone numbers, and started texting. He could probably tell you how long this went on. I'm really not sure if it was a day or a month...sometimes my memory sucks. But nonetheless we decided I'd come watch him play because he was living about 3 hours from where I was.

That night was certainly an experience for me. I got lost 500 times on the way there, was running about 2 hours late, and was a bit flustered. When I finally made it, T had told the parking lot attendant to be looking out for me and direct me to where I was supposed to go. I had just enough time to run by the locker room...sorry...clubhouse (apparently that is the baseball version of a locker room. Don't forget.) and T cam out to say hi.

Now remember.

This is about 2 years after our initial meeting. Maybe 3 (remember? My memory...).

I was worried it was going to be a little awkward but it wasn't at all. After the game (which I remember that he pitched in but I couldn't tell you anything else at all about the game, though he could probably recall pitch by pitch) we went to Applebees and the conversation flowed easily. I quickly remembered what drew me to him in the first place; his kind spirit, outgoing personality, and genuineness. That night I knew that my satisfaction as a single lady was in jeopardy. This guy was magnetic (if you're reading this T, don't let your head grow too much). His personality made you want to sit down and stay for a while and he was... homey.

I really don't have another word for it. Not homely but just...

Ok. Right here I'd like to say "just like home" but I realize how ridiculously cheezy that sounds. I really have no other way of explaining it except you know when you've had a really long day and at the end of it you can finally sit down with a good book (or whatever relaxes you) and take a deep breath? He was that deep breath for me.

Ok. Still a little too cheezy but I honestly don't know how else to put it. Moving right along.

I felt comfortable and natural with him and genuinely enjoyed the weekend. I went back to Auburn and we continued to talk and I'd visit when he was playing close enough to my town. After maybe a month (???? I could be really off) he asked to meet my family.

Oh boy.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I happen to have 10 sisters, a brother, and mom and dad. Not to mention that my aunt, uncle, their 3 kids, grandmother, and grandfather all live relatively close and are always at the house. T knew this and was still asking to meet them.

Sink or swim, right?

T swam beautifully.

I believe there was around 17 people at dinner that night? About 10 of those were kids and they all wanted to be right next to T. He took it in stride and was the same guy I had witnessed prior to this meeting with my family. He spoke warmly to them, got down on their level and played with them, and when they all asked to go to the pool that night he never wavered and seemed to enjoy himself.

If I hadn't already been in trouble, this night would've done it.

I have always wanted kids, and lots of them. In that moment I was able to see how he would be as a father to my children. I was a goner.

I had no idea why but I couldn't shake him off as temporary like I'd been able to do other guys since my breakup. And to top off my trust issues, this guy played minor league baseball.

Come onnnn.

I didn't know anything about baseball (still don't, to be honest) but I had heard stories about baseball players. I wasn't sure I wanted that. I didn't want the long distance, I didn't want the worrying about him on road trips, I didn't want that lifestyle.

But I wanted him.

That's all for now. Until next time.

Journey to Us - Part 3

You can read Part 1 of our story here or read the entire story here.

This isn't a fun part of the story...there's not much of T. But it's absolutely crucial to our story and how I got to where I knew he was the one God had planned for me.

My dad used to say "When you put a rose in the dumpster, the dumpster doesn't smell like the rose - the rose smells like the dumpster".

He was/is forever spouting off cheesy sayings for life lessons. But hey, it obviously works because here I am quoting it to you today.

Way to go Dad.

So it was the Summer after my Sophomore year of college and approximately 8 months since I first met T. I had broken up with "John" and spent the past few months learning who I was and strengthening my resolve to not fall back into my same old pattern. I met some great new friends, got more involved in my college, and was genuinely enjoying the single life. After reading "The God Delusion" I was confused to say the least. I had been brought up in a Christian family and attending a Christian school. Raised in the heart of the Bible Belt, all of my friends were Christian - or at least said they were - all of the guys I had been out with since "John" were Christians, and I was actively involved in my church. 

I wasn't supposed to question my faith. It was taboo.

I had simply taken what I was taught and believed it to be true without ever finding out for myself. This bred a soft foundation and made me an easy target for influence.

No one else that I knew had the same questions as me except for the guy that handed me the book in the first place. Seeing as how he was biased I didn't want to talk to him about it so I really didn't know who to ask my questions to. I thought if I even brought it up to family and friends it would get quickly pushed aside and I'd be told that the book is wrong and God is real. End of story.

So when I met this new guy and he was questioning the same things, it only served as one more thing that we had to connect on. 

Looking back, a bit older and (hopefully) wiser, I should've taken my questions to my dad. He is one of the wisest people I know and I didn't give him enough credit. I assumed he would brush me off but I now know that he (and any of my family, really) would've taken my questions seriously and led me in the right direction.

But alas, I took the difficult road of learning from my own mistakes.

Typical.

Unfortunately, instead of seeking out the truth to these answers, I found myself drifting further away from my relationship with Christ and getting drawn into a lifestyle I had never even known the likes of. I was in a foreign world - so very far away from the sheltered life I grew up in - but I kinda liked it. Who wouldn't? No God to answer to, taking the road more frequently traveled, it's easier. 

After a year and a half of living for myself and making too many mistakes, I found myself getting restless. I was a completely different person than I was 2 years before and I didn't like all of it. My new relationship had brought a lot of good - introducing me to new interests and helping me figure out things I enjoy doing to this day - but it also brought a lot of not so good with it. 

So looking back now I think I was almost relieved when he cheated on me.

Don't get me wrong....it hurt. Something fierce. It made me question myself and my judgement of people. It made me wary of ever trusting anyone again because I trusted this guy so implicitly. But I knew I hadn't been happy in the relationship for a while and this gave me an out. I was looking to start figuring out answers to my questions and 'growing up'. I was tired of spending 5 nights a week at a bar and I wanted a family; more importantly I missed my relationship with my Savior. 

I wasn't even sure I still believe He existed but I intended to find out.

My boyfriend at the time had no interest in moving forward with me. I tried to change him and force him into being something he (very vocally) didn't want to be. I don't blame him for walking away.

When we broke up it pushed me to start my search again. I knew I didn't like the person I had become and I knew I was unsettled but I had no idea where to start.

 I read "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel and "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning; two books that my dad had given me when I first started pulling away.

I decided that I, in fact, believed there was a god that created the earth and things in it and this was the same God found in the Bible. My search then led me to deism vs. theism. After a lot more research I decided that if I believed Jesus was real and I believed in God, then I believed the Bible. 

All of it.

That clearly led me to theism and a relational God.

My relationship and communication with God started out rocky and sporadic, but through His unending pursuit of me and steady love, I began to draw nearer to Him and let go of this old life I had taken up.

This is where Part 3 of our story ends. Sorry you didn't get much of the good stuff but trust me, it's coming.

Until next time...

Journey to Us - Part 2

You can read Part 1 of our story here.

So let's see.  Where did I leave off?

Oh yeah.

I had a boyfriend...

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I didn't tell him. Not right away.

This... "John" (names have been changed to protect the guilty)... and I had been dating for a while and broken up more times than I could count. It was your typical teenage boyfriend/girlfriend relationship; we met when I was a mere 14. I was unhappy, "John" was unhappy, and T was a ... relief. 

Nothing happened. I simply enjoyed being around him. He exuded this air of honesty and directness. He was kind and polite, and not just to me. As the group of us walked around campus that night I watched in awe as he held doors for females, spoke without foul language, and was - to the core - nice.

That's rare in 19 year old boys.

Like any good wingman friend would do, Dave decided to talk T up by telling me that he was a pitcher for Georgia Tech and had a good chance of going Pro. Little did this boy know that the extent of my baseball knowledge came from my brief stint as a right field onion picker in 9 & under softball. I had no clue what any of this meant and was therefore unimpressed. 

Take for example the fact that I was completely unaware that the average baseball team has 12 pitchers and the starters only pitch every 5th game. Over the next few years I would pause on any GA Tech game I happened to come across on TV to see if T was pitching. When I never saw him, I assumed Dave was a liar being a good friend and made the whole story up. 

Again... unimpressed.

After we spent a disturbing amount of time in WalMart, Talley and I went back to her apartment with plans to meet the guys for lunch the next day before they headed back to their respective campuses. I told her when we got home that night that I was breaking up with "John" for good this time. T had shown me what I wanted in a guy and even if I never saw him after the next afternoon, I knew there was better out there.

Let me back up just a minute...

You need to have a bit of background on "John" and I before you can fully understand why this was so  instrumental in my future.

As I mentioned before "John" and I met when I was 14. We dated, on and off, until I was 19. He was a nice guy we just met so. young. and brought out the worst in each other. I had tried multiple times to break it off only to fall back into the comfort of familiarity. When you meet someone - anyone - that young one tends to mold into who the other person wants or expects them to be. Those teen years are so important in a person's development that I think it's hard not to conform your developing interests to mold into the other person's. 

(***Note to Cali (and every teenage girl, for that matter): DON'T GET IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU'RE AT LEAST A JUNIOR IN COLLEGE***)

(A mother can dream right?????)

So here I was at 19 with absolutely no clue as to who I was as an individual.

That's where T comes into play.

He asked me about myself: my likes, dislikes, preferences, beliefs, etc. He wanted to know me.

Which is why, I suppose, the timing wasn't right for us then. I believe now that God was just sewing a seed that would later become His full blown plan.

We all met up the next day and Talley informed T that I had a boyfriend and I don't think he liked me keeping that from him too much.

Oops.

The boys left that day and I desperately wanted to explain to T why I didn't tell him about the boyfriend. So that night Talley and I drove to Atlanta to go line dancing (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and just so happened to end up at GA Tech (again... I'm sticking to it). 

Have you ever seen John and the Sprinkles?

That's me and my line dancing story.

We found him in his dorm and chatted for a bit about how sorry I was, blah, blah, blah. 

He forgave me.

Of course.

So Talley and I drove back to Auburn that night (somehow ending up in FL... my directional skills have never been good) and talked about how I'd break up with "John". At this point I knew it's what I needed to do whether I ever saw T again or not. He had shown me something different, something better, and I wanted it.

When I got home at the end of the weekend I did the whole breakup thing and never shed a tear.

Looking back I realize how right it felt because who doesn't shed one. single. tear. over a guy they dated for 5 years?

Me.

That's who.

T and I IM'd (there's a time warp for ya) a little over the next few weeks but eventually we both got caught up in school and other activities and lost touch.

Then something happened.

Something that would forever change who I am and the way I look at my faith.

A guy I was in school with gave me a book to read called "The God Delusion". 

*audible groan*

Here I was at 19, no clue of who I was, having grown up in a Christian family but never having had my faith tested, and someone hands me a pro-athiesm book. 

Am I a cliche or what?

It made me question everything I had ever been taught and whether or not I ever actually believed in God. 

Then something else happened.

I met a boy - that I instantly clicked with - who happened to be having the same questions I was.

A recipe for disaster...

Until Next Time...

Journey to Us - Part 1

*DISCLAIMER* I'm not a writer... well, not a good one anyways. But I started this blog because I wanted to remember this time in our lives and the story of how T and I got here is part of that. Maybe years down the road - if the internet hasn't been replaced by holograms by then - this content will still exist and Cali can read the story of how she came to be. If the internet doesn't still exist? Well, I should probably print this off when I'm finished...

So this is the story of how T and I met and how I tricked mesmerized him into marrying me.

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It was the Fall of 2004 (*Cue Bryan Adams music*) in Auburn, AL and I was in town visiting by best friend from high school, Talley. T was in town with some of his high school friends to go to a football game and see what a real sport looked like (muahaha... I love a good anti-baseball joke). Talley and I had heard rumblings of this thing called a frat party that was happening that night at one of the houses. 

What can I say? We were a bit sheltered...

So we fancied ourselves up in our best t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops (I mentioned we'd never been to one of these, right?) and headed out for our first real college night on the town.

We were Sophomores.

We show up at the address that was given to us and the two guys at the table let us right on through. We're probably lucky we were a bit late and they'd had one too many adult beverages to notice what we were wearing. Anyways, we were in and it was loud and crowded. Looking back with a few more frat parties under my belt, I wish I could've seen the two of us that night. We were huddled in a corner, the most underdressed people there, and the only ones taking advantage of the water cooler and not the keg. We were babies and I miss my naivety. 

After all of 7 minutes of being there and seeing what we had gotten ourselves into, we decided to head back to Talley's place and change into something more appropriate. 

HAHAHAHA.

I'm laughing because I just remembered what I wore that night.

A white t-shirt tucked into a white skirt with neon stripes at the top and...

Wait for it...

Orange, PLEATHER, high heels.

Oh wee.

I really wish I had a picture of that night so you could get a clear idea of what I looked like. I'm impressed T even took a second look at me, much less spoke to me! It was obviously my charming, glowing, personality that captured him because it was not my outfit.

Whatever the case, Talley and I showed back up at the party and grabbed more water. We were standing back in our corner, contemplating whether or not we should just admit this was not our scene and leave, when we were approached by this guy. Not just any guy mind you... a really, really, really, drunk guy. He had an entire case of beer in one hand with an open bottle in the other. He reeked of alcohol and had a few drinks on his clothes as well. The further Talley and I stepped back and tried to avoid him, the closer he got until he finally had us cornered against the fence of the backyard. 

This is where the good stuff starts...

Out of nowhere, this New Guy comes up and puts his arm around me and Talley.

"There you are!" he said.

"We've been looking everywhere for you guys. Are you ready to go?"

Talley and I looked at each other, looked at New Guy, looked at the old guy, and figured this one at least could stand up straight so we had a better chance going with him. 

"YES!", we yelled in unison.

The drunk guy took a moment to assess the situation, finally realized that New Guy had 3 other guys with him, and made the decision to leave.

Oh wait.

New Guy did have three more guys with him.

Who was that guy standing back behind New Guy?

"Hi. I'm Dave." 

Ahhh. So his name wasn't New Guy.

Talley and I introduced ourselves and New Guy Dave finally introduced us to his 3 friends: Wesley, Matt, and T.

For the first time in a loooong time I was nervous. He was tall and gorgeous and was instantly attracted. Also, he had a good handshake. My daddy always said you could tell a guy by his handshake and this one was a good one. 

There was only one, tiny, hiccup in the whole thing...

I had a boyfriend.

To be Continued...