9 Things Every Marriage Needs

I know, I know.

"Not another marriage post" is what you're thinking, right? We've all read those lists that consist of trust, honesty, communication, blah, blah, blah.

Not that those things aren't important. They definitely are. But there are other things that I believe keep a marriage chugging along just as much. Granted, some of these are a little unconventional and not everyone is going to agree with me, but here are 9 things that I feel like every marriage needs.

1. Humor - At least one person in the marriage has to be funny. It's a requirement. Ask any of our friends and they'll tell you that my humor is the reason T and I work so well together. If I didn't crack jokes all the time, T and I wouldn't have lasted the 6 years that we have. So if both of you are fuddy-duds, take one for the team and get a sense of humor. It really comes in handy during disagreements. There've been too many times that I'm trying to get frustrated with T but then I start laughing about something that HE said and forget that I wanted to be frustrated. (FYI: T added the emphasized "HE" because he doesn't like to admit that I'm the funny one.)

2. Time Apart - I get that you like each other and that's (hopefully) one of the reasons you got married. You guys may even be just alike when it comes to your interests. But I'm a firm believer in spending some time apart. Hold your horses and don't jump the gun. I'm not talking about living separately or going to clubs 6 nights of the week by yourself. If those are your choices, don't use this post as an excuse for them. I'm simply saying that it helps to spend quality girl time with your friends every now and then. Even alone time works. T can always tell when I need "Whitney Time" when my fuse starts to run short. That's when he knows to get out of the house for a while and let me breathe. This is especially helpful for me during baseball season. I go crazy if my life revolves around his life (which is always. baseball.) so I always try to find things of my own to get involved in.

3. A Reset Button - T and I will occasionally call 'time out' and hit the reset button if we're in a rut. This means that we have to instantly forget whatever grievances each of us have against the other and start new.  After you hit the button you're not allowed to bring those things up again. We don't use it all the time because there are some legitimate issues that need to be worked out, but when we notice ourselves bringing up the same (pointless) topic again, and again, and again, and again, we hit the button. There is a very good chance that T will always (for the rest of our entire lives) have a "wear again" clothes pile that is really just dirty clothes that never make it to the hamper. No matter how many times I nag nicely ask him to pick up the clothes, they're still there. I eventually had to throw this fight out the window and leave it be. I lose. 

4. Make Out Sessions - When was the last time you played "7 Minutes in Heaven"? Not recently. Well, go do it. Now. Go on. WAIT! Finish reading this post first then go do it. You're welcome.

5. A Favorite TV Show - Or board game, card game, activity, whatever. Something that you both enjoy doing together on a regular basis. T and I used to enjoy working out together, and while we would still like that, Cali makes it a little more difficult. So we've adjusted and now when T and I are home at the same time and baby is in bed, I'll (most of the time) turn off "Teen Mom" and let him watch "The Bachelor" instead. ;)

6. Date Nights - These don't have to be fancy shmancy or expensive dates. In fact, I wrote about a lot of (mostly) free things to do in this post. T and I call these our "mini-dates". Most of the time we don't even leave the house. The purpose is just to get rid of all distractions and focus completely on each other and good conversation. This is when you recharge as a couple and (hopefully) remember why you fell in love in the first place. This is different from the activity that you enjoy together because during that, you're focusing your attention on the activity. During the date, all of your attention should be focused on them.

7. Grooming - No, I'm not talking about grooming your marriage - though that's not a bad idea. I'm talking about grooming yourself. Don't go sending me hate mail. I know that all of us are busy and once you're married they're pretty much stuck with you supposed to love you no matter what you look like but I'm here to tell you that a little grooming goes a long way. Ladies: Get your roots done, shave your legs, paint your nails, etc. Guys: Keep your hair trimmed, throw on some cologne, change out of your sweatpants every now and then. You get the picture. Chances are when you met your spouse you had done at least a couple, if not all, of these things. I'm just trying to help you keep the flame alive, folks.

8. Secrets - This is pretty much the opposite of what every marriage counselor in the world will tell you but I'm not talking about real, harmful, secrets. I'm just talking about the old saying "leave something to the imagination". Our husbands miiiiggghht not need to see us wax our chin hairs or dig out our ingrowns. And husbands, we don't need to hear you passing loud gas all of the time or cleaning food out of your teeth on a daily basis. Sure, these things are going to come up now and again and we can't avoid letting them see our private moments forever, but maybe we don't need to make a daily habit of it?

9. PDA - I'm not talking about sticking your hands in each other's back pockets while you walk around the mall (though if you choose to do that you'll get no judgement here) but a little hand holding or a quick hug every now and then is nice. Private intimacy is crucial in a marriage but a little public affection goes a long way

What do you think? What unique qualities do you think are important to marriage?

Random Ways to Say "I Love You" to Your Husband

Hi there :)

I hope you all are having a happy holiday so far! 

Being a new parent is hard and it will inevitably take some adjusting to. One of those things that needs adjusting is your marriage. Between deciding who gets up at night, and date nights being interrupted for feedings, your marriage will need extra effort in order to stay alive. With all of the things T and I have going on right now, we're lucky to get a small amount of time alone at the very end of the day. By that point though, I'm so tired that I doubt I'm great company. One of the ways that I like to put in extra effort is to do a bunch of small, practical things throughout T's day. That way, even if we don't get a lot of time together he knows I was thinking about him throughout the day.

Here are just a few of the ideas I'd suggest.

1. Cook his favorite breakfast - Go all out. Omelette, pancakes, his favorite juice. Then put it on a nice place setting with the paper and let him have a few quiet moments to start his day.

2. Organize his closet/drawers - If your husband is anything like my husband he ends up rushing around in the morning and by the end of the week his drawers and closet are a bit… messy. I like to organize T's clothes at least once a week. That way, when he goes to grab his things to get ready he has a nice surprise.

3. Place little notes in random places - I do this a lot during the season when T goes on road trips but I try to do it during the offseason as well. Just something short and sweet like "I love you" or "Hurry home". 

4. Let him take a nap - In the bed, lights off, and keep the kid(s) away. I know as a mom that we often think we need the nap more but we forget all of the pressure that is on our husbands as well, especially if he's the sole provider of the family. Give him the gift of sleep.

5. Buy him his favorite food/snack - Next time you're at the grocery store, pick up his favorite dinner or snack. He'll thank you.

6. Watch a movie of his choice - I don't know about you but I tend to commandeer the television on the rare occasion that we get to watch it. Every now and then I'll let him pick the movie ;)

7. Random texts - While he's at work send him a text to just say "hello". T and I use texting all the time.  It's something that fits into both of our schedules when we can't necessarily hold a phone to our ears.

8. Buy him a gift - This may seem like a no brainer but is there something your husband has been wanting but money is tight? Maybe have spaghetti one night instead of chicken so that you can make some room in the budget for his gift. Remind him that he's worth it.

9. Enjoy his hobby with him - Does he like golfing? Working out? Basketball? Maybe send the kid(s) to the grandparents and enjoy his hobby with him…even if it's not your favorite. 

10. Wear your hair/makeup his favorite way - Your husband likes your hair up instead of down? Or he likes the red lipstick you save for holiday parties. Whatever it is, do it on a random Tuesday night instead of waiting for a special occasion. 

Those are just a few things I try to do for T to let him know that even when I'm rushing around and taking care of Cali all day, he's forefront in my mind and I love him. What do you do for your husband as a special gift?

17 Mini-Date Ideas for New Parents

When I found out that I was pregnant I couldn't have been happier. I had wanted this for so long and the time had finally come.

Then I panicked.

I freaked over a lot of things but towards the end of my pregnancy (when hormones were out of control), I really started worrying about how T and I would handle it as a married couple. I had heard a lot of statistics about how your chances for divorce increase significantly after your first child and I didn't want that to happen to us. 

We love Cali more than anything but we still want to make sure that we make our marriage a priority and so we try to find little ways to connect with each other on a daily basis. We're both cheap frugal so we were never big on going out even before Cali came along and now we just don't want to ever leave her. So that leaves us with what we like to call "mini-dates".  We (yup! T helped) came up with some ideas for FREE (mostly) mini-date ideas for new parents. Some are for at home while the baby is sleeping and some are baby friendly. So here we go!

No Babies Allowed!

Cook dinner together - T tries to avoid this one but having him in the kitchen gives us a chance to do an activity together before it's chow time.  He also says he would hang out more if there were a recliner in the kitchen area.

Chat over breakfast during morning nap - This allows you to have some quiet time together before the hustle and bustle of the day.

Movie night (Pick a short movie because it may get interrupted!) T would tell you that if HE picks the movie I will fall asleep before it is over.

Exchange foot massages - There is nothing like a good foot massage to end the day.

Game night - Board game, card game, twister?  Last year we played a game called Casino.  The card games were effective at keeping our competitive juices flowing.

Make out like teenagers - Anywhere, anytime! Why not?

Husband/wife Bible study - We like to come together on more than just the newest episode of New Girl (even though I love that show!)

Spa night - He paints toes and she plucks his hairs?

Mini vow renewal - Re-make promises to each other and have a dance.  This might be the hardest to get your significant other to do but it's worth a shot!

Make photo collages - I can get lost looking through the first 6 months of photos of Cali.  One day I'll want her to know and be able to see how much we loved her through this time.

Baby Tag-a-long 

Walks around park or neighborhood - Cali is a big fan of being outside and checking out the scenery.  The added exercise for mom and dad couldn't hurt either.

Bath time - Both parents involved. It's a lot of fun! There is a level of closeness that takes place between the baby and parent during bath time.  Why leave someone out?

Picnics - Nature...check!  Fresh air...check!  Food and snacks...check!  Baby...double check!

Family Photo ops - Can you say "selfies"?

Work out together - This is kind of cheating because baby goes in the nursery.  Our relationship strengthens through our support and teamwork while working out together.

Family church outing - Baby also in nursery.  Body strength in the weight room, soul strength at church.  

Window shopping - Babies love new sights and sounds; explore them with her/him!  T would also say that I have used the phrase, "Cali wanted to buy this" a number of times the last few months.

Those are just some ideas for simple ways to stay connected with your spouse even with a baby. No matter what you choose to do, make sure you continue to respect each other as individuals and always speak with kindness. It makes a world of difference!

19 Reasons I Love My Husband

The end of baseball season is finally here. My sister wife has given my husband back...

For now.

However, I'm sure he'll miss his chocolate milk straw.

I mean, really. What a hard life.

T is back in school trying to finish up his degree. He was drafted after his Junior year and has 17 hours left. To say he is freaking out about his first *gasp* quiz tomorrow would be an understatement. It's adorably cute.

We're slowly making our way to our 4 year anniversary and I really can't believe how quickly it's passed. I guess what they say is true...

Time's fun when you're having flies.

That's what one frog said to another.

Muwahaha. I love a good joke.

Anyways, I thought that in honor of having recently re-aquired a husband, I'd stroke his ego a bit and make a list of the reasons I love him. So here we go.

1. He wears chocolate milk straw glasses. Need I say more?

2. He is an unbelievably great dad.

3. He makes me laugh. Since he was across the country when I went into labor, we had him on speaker phone during the process. WHILE I WAS PUSHING A HUMAN OUT OF MY BODY, T says "Man, I'm a little sore from the plane ride". He should be really glad I was feeling too good after the epidural to care. 

4. When he's making protein shakes in the blender, he does a "blender dance" that he made up.

5. He's a visual person so when he's telling me a story, he often uses props to build a "set" so that he can point out things as he goes along.

6. Speaking of his stories... he can make one go on for a loooong time. He's very detailed.

7. He watches football with our daughter.

8. When I'm frustrated with him (which never happens) he will continue to annoy me until I have no choice but to laugh and not be frustrated anymore.

9. His faith is solid and his feet are firm. He doesn't waiver from what he believes to be right.

10. He's really tall so he can clean the ceiling fans. Every woman should have a ceiling fan cleaner...

11. He sometimes tells me the same story multiple times, having forgot that he's already told me.

12. He always (most of the time) smells really good.

13. It takes him about 15 minutes to change Cali's diapers because he's (still) so afraid of hurting her somehow.

14. He works extremely hard at everything he does and never quits before something is finished.

15. He's honest. Sometimes brutally honest. Most of the time more than I want him to be.

16. He jumped out of a plane before he proposed because it was on my bucket list. He hates stuff like that.

17. I get texts like this from him...

18. He's doing Whole30 with me for support.

19. He's my best friend. (Say it together now... 'Awww')

Ok. Enough sappy for one night. I don't want to make his head so big that it won't fit through the door.

But there you go. 19 reasons why I love my husband. There are obviously more but it's late, I'm tired, and he's currently bugging me so I can't focus to write any longer.

:)