Friday, July 19, 2013

Mom Guilt - Revisited

I feel like I need to clarify myself on a few things regarding this post.

I am in no way advocating one parenting style over another. I'm not even sure that I agree with any one of them 100%. I simply think that we as moms - as parents - judge ourselves too harshly... to quickly.

I was not saying that everyone should rock their kid to sleep every time, nor do I plan on doing that for the rest of Cali's life. I am not saying everyone needs to breastfeed, or wear cloth diapers, or baby wear. These are just some of the things that work for us, for now. I reserve the right to change as we go because we're still learning. And if we have 10 kids? We will still be trying to figure it out on the last one because they're all different. I'll never have it completely right.

I wrote the post because I debated and beat myself up for a while over rocking her to sleep, when/how she should nap, and whether or not to follow my pediatrician's advice and switch to formula when we found out she had colitis. The whole topic of how we should parent can bring out some heated discussions with strong supporters on both sides. On one hand I have people telling me that if I don't rock my kid to sleep that we will both regret it one day, but then in the other camp people have said that I'd be spoiling her if I do. They say that I'm either going to give my child abandonment issues or dependency issues. 

What is a mom to do????

It took me a while to eventually do what felt right for me and for my family.  I finally figured out that Cali needs a mom who is confident in my love for her and not constantly doubting myself or my choices at every turn. That's all that I hoped to get across in my last post. 

My loves.

I am a big believer that parenting is a private matter. As long as the child is not in any danger I think that each family should have the right to choose the parenting style - or mix of styles - that works for them. Some may be more strict and some may be more lax.

That's what makes this world such a beautiful place; the mixture of personalities and styles. The beauty of humanity is diversity and a lot of that starts within the home. So I not only believe in different parenting styles, I encourage them.

I simply think that we should stop beating ourselves up so much on the day to day choices. Give yourself some wiggle room. No one has ever been a perfect parent and there is a good chance that no one will ever be.

Perfection is overrated anyhow.

So is rocking my child to sleep the perfect plan? Who knows. But I do know that I love my child with a fierceness that sometimes scares me and her best interest is always at the center of my choices. 

That's all any parent can do.

We adjust as we go and we try to learn from our mistakes.

I'll leave you with a direct quote from my husband on the matter:

"The thought and love that goes into EVERYTHING we do makes me confident that even if there's something we aren't doing 100% correct, we'll figure out a way to make up for it... We will teach and show her how to be a functional human being. Loving on her now and giving her 100% of ourselves will not get in the way of that."

And that, ladies and gents, is why I put up with T having a mistress.