Flying

This has been an overall crazy week.  Between T traveling, Cali playing the no-sleep game, and some other outside stuff going on, it's needless to say that I could use a breather (or caffeine IV).  So to rest the cobwebs that currently inhabit my brain I decided to share another one of T's writings...

First, he wanted me to explain something to you.  And he wanted me to be extremely clear, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  

That's what I heard, not what he said. 

 His writing is a...wait for it...poem.  He didn't want others to think that he wasn't a manly, tough guy. 

 What a delicate ego.  

In his defense he is back in school trying to finish his degree and one of the teachers that was willing to work with his schedule is the head of the Georgia Tech Poetry department.  Apparently for today's class, he was supposed to have researched a poem and prepared himself to read it aloud.  Since he missed the last Monday's class due to Cali's 6 month shots he also missed the announcement of the assignment.  Anyway, while in class he sent me a text (obviously not paying attention to class).  Here is that text.

Flying

I don't know much about the world
or the things in it.
Language and words escape me.
Facts and equations await me.
What I do know now, what I can feel now
is Freedom.

Freedom with arms stretched out.
A sense of danger and fear cannot phase
the security and safety his support provides.
Weightlessness. The wind. Happiness.
They envelop me.
For this flight around the yard
is ours to share.

 

I thought it was great. Flying is Cali's favorite thing to do so I felt like he hit the nail on the head.

Sorry ladies...

He's taken.

Until next time!

How to Make a New Dad More Confident

I'll admit something to you. Something that is not quite mine to confess but I'll tell you anyways.

T used to hate holding babies. When he was forced asked to hold one he would treat them like they were time bombs about to explode at any moment. He'd never been around that many babies and zero newborns before Cali came along so I knew it would take a little time before he was comfortable with her. 

Heck. It took (is taking) me time and I was comfortable around babies before her.

To make matters worse, aside from the 72 hours right after she was born, he wasn't with us for the first month of her life so when he saw us Cali and I had already had those 5 weeks to bond and adjust to each other. Realizing this, it was even more important for me to make sure I did everything I could on my part to make him feel connected and important. So I wanted to list some things I tried to do to give him confidence in fatherhood. 

Shut up and let him struggle 
  I don't mean for this to sound cold but I had to remind myself of this constantly. He's a new parent and all new parents struggle at first. I did and that's how I learned. There's nothing that will give you a greater sense of accomplishment than when you have to fight hard for something and you eventually get it so I had to let him experience that.

Understand that we'll do things differently 
How I change her diaper, how I hold her, how I bathed her... All of these are things that I had to figure out what worked best for Cali and I. T had to do the same thing and even though his ways look different than mine, I know he has the same goal in mind - her comfort.

Let him have "his thing"
For T this is bath time. As moms - and especially stay at home moms - we have more opportunities to be around our babies. Dads need to have at least one thing that is always their "job". Giving dad a chance to form a special bond with his child can dramatically improve parent-child relationship and give mom the chance to watch with pride. Now that Cali and T have established their bath routine, you can definitely tell that Cali knows something is wrong when I try to do bath time!

 Affirm him 
All new parents worry that we're not good enough at some point and dads are no different. Having an outside perspective - YOU - reaffirm that he is doing well will help build his confidence in his abilities. No one wants to do things they're not good at, so reminding him that he's a rockstar at being a dad will only serve to fuel his desire to continue getting more involved.

Break some rules 
Sometimes rules need to be broken. I have this thing about nighttime feedings... I like to keep them short and sweet. I keep the lights off, I don't talk to Cali, and I try to get her back in her crib as quickly as possible. But there were times during the season when T wasn't getting to see her that much when he'd pick her up in her crib and just hold and talk to her for a while. To me it was worth breaking the rules so that daddy and daughter could have a little bonding time.

Get excited when he comes home
And not just the 'hand off the baby and run to take a shower' kind of excited. Teach your child how to appreciate the other parent and to get excited to see them at the end of the day. I believe it's important to be an example of love and respect by acting out your appreciation towards your spouse and their hard work.

Share the struggles
He may have no idea that you're just as scared and confused sometimes as he is... so tell him! Let him know that you are constantly learning and adapting right alongside him and that you're in the "trenches" together. Then tell him how much you trust his judgement and abilities to learn new things and how good he is at fatherhood.

I understand all of these aren't natural.  Sometimes it is hard to relinquish control and let dad have a longer leash but maybe give a couple of these a try and if you have any other ideas I'd love to hear them! Parenting is tough and it's even tougher if both parents aren't working as a team. Plus, the more confident dad feels the more he'll want to help!

17 Mini-Date Ideas for New Parents

When I found out that I was pregnant I couldn't have been happier. I had wanted this for so long and the time had finally come.

Then I panicked.

I freaked over a lot of things but towards the end of my pregnancy (when hormones were out of control), I really started worrying about how T and I would handle it as a married couple. I had heard a lot of statistics about how your chances for divorce increase significantly after your first child and I didn't want that to happen to us. 

We love Cali more than anything but we still want to make sure that we make our marriage a priority and so we try to find little ways to connect with each other on a daily basis. We're both cheap frugal so we were never big on going out even before Cali came along and now we just don't want to ever leave her. So that leaves us with what we like to call "mini-dates".  We (yup! T helped) came up with some ideas for FREE (mostly) mini-date ideas for new parents. Some are for at home while the baby is sleeping and some are baby friendly. So here we go!

No Babies Allowed!

Cook dinner together - T tries to avoid this one but having him in the kitchen gives us a chance to do an activity together before it's chow time.  He also says he would hang out more if there were a recliner in the kitchen area.

Chat over breakfast during morning nap - This allows you to have some quiet time together before the hustle and bustle of the day.

Movie night (Pick a short movie because it may get interrupted!) T would tell you that if HE picks the movie I will fall asleep before it is over.

Exchange foot massages - There is nothing like a good foot massage to end the day.

Game night - Board game, card game, twister?  Last year we played a game called Casino.  The card games were effective at keeping our competitive juices flowing.

Make out like teenagers - Anywhere, anytime! Why not?

Husband/wife Bible study - We like to come together on more than just the newest episode of New Girl (even though I love that show!)

Spa night - He paints toes and she plucks his hairs?

Mini vow renewal - Re-make promises to each other and have a dance.  This might be the hardest to get your significant other to do but it's worth a shot!

Make photo collages - I can get lost looking through the first 6 months of photos of Cali.  One day I'll want her to know and be able to see how much we loved her through this time.

Baby Tag-a-long 

Walks around park or neighborhood - Cali is a big fan of being outside and checking out the scenery.  The added exercise for mom and dad couldn't hurt either.

Bath time - Both parents involved. It's a lot of fun! There is a level of closeness that takes place between the baby and parent during bath time.  Why leave someone out?

Picnics - Nature...check!  Fresh air...check!  Food and snacks...check!  Baby...double check!

Family Photo ops - Can you say "selfies"?

Work out together - This is kind of cheating because baby goes in the nursery.  Our relationship strengthens through our support and teamwork while working out together.

Family church outing - Baby also in nursery.  Body strength in the weight room, soul strength at church.  

Window shopping - Babies love new sights and sounds; explore them with her/him!  T would also say that I have used the phrase, "Cali wanted to buy this" a number of times the last few months.

Those are just some ideas for simple ways to stay connected with your spouse even with a baby. No matter what you choose to do, make sure you continue to respect each other as individuals and always speak with kindness. It makes a world of difference!