Calling All Parents! : A Poll on Baby Sleep

I need some reassurance. 

I need some backup.

I need someone to come attach a caffeine IV to my veins and feed me anti-psychotic medicine to get me through this (seemingly) never ending "phase" of no sleep that Cali is going through.

Any takers??? No? Well fine. But at least answer a question for me...

How does your kid sleep???

Cali will be 7 months old in 2 days.

Wait...

What???

How did that happen?? I feel like I just came home from the hospital with her! She can't be closer to 1 than she is a newborn. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Well, I guess I don't have a say in it, huh? At least when she gets older, I can look forward to her talking. It'll be fun to hear what she has to say about this circus of a life we live. 

Anyways, I'm getting off topic.

This picture has nothing to do with sleep but it's cute and I wanted to put it here.

 Cali will be turning 7 months old and for the last month her sleep habits at night have been horrendous. I know it's my fault. I know where I went wrong. But I didn't know then that 2 days of holding her all day after her shots would result in her never wanting to be put down.

Like, ever.

Maybe those two days just happened to run into her separation anxiety. Maybe I have failed in my parenting by not teaching her to "self-sooth". Geez how I hate those words. They taunt me like a mythical unicorn. I hear rumblings and gossip of the nirvana called "self soothing" but I CAN'T EVER SEEM TO FIND IT.

And the whole "Put her down while she's drowsy but awake" nonsense makes me want to scream. I get it. I have a spirited child (she gets it from her dad. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) but to the people that tell me to put her down drowsy I want to say this...

She's mean to me. You do it.

Not really. She's not mean. But really. You do it.

No matter how drowsy I put her down, she pops right back up and yells at me. Like, loud. 

I won't let her cry it out. I can't. It's just not right for this particular family. But there has GOT to be another way... right??

Please tell me there's another way.

And to make matters worse, in the last 2 weeks, I've met some new people. T and I are pretty anti-social happy to stay home a lot so this is improvement for us. Anyways... it never fails that one of the first things people ask me when they find out that I have a daughter is "Is she sleeping through the night?". And then I try really hard to summon my x-ray laser beam to poke their eyeballs out but it never works.

Yet.

When I tell them that no, in fact, she is not sleeping through the night anymore, they look at me with pity and sadness and proceed to give me every piece of advice about how they got their kid to sleep through the night. Really??? Is everybody else's kid sleeping that well by 7 months old and mine is just out to get me?? I need answers people! Am I alone in this?

Anyways, I need everyone to reassure me and remind me that it passes. I did get the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I've just started the sleep logs and am hoping (and crossing my fingers, toes, legs, arms, and wishing on shooting stars) that it helps. I don't mind waking up at night to feed her. I actually enjoy that time we get together. What I do mind is her waking up every hour and it taking me 45 minutes to transfer her back to her crib. 

Do you have any experience with No Cry Sleep Solution? If so, did it make an improvement?

I'll be checking back in about our progress (I'm being optimistic) with this in a few weeks. However, if you're a sleep deprived parent as well, I promise not to rub it in your face at how great Cali will be sleeping.

Too much.

**Disclaimer: I love my sweet, precious, child more than I could've ever imagined. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for every single second I spend with her... even when she's not sleeping. The fact that I am sleep deprived in no way diminishes my love and appreciation for Cali. I know I am blessed and I thank God for her every. single. day. Multiple times a day.**

How to Make a New Dad More Confident

I'll admit something to you. Something that is not quite mine to confess but I'll tell you anyways.

T used to hate holding babies. When he was forced asked to hold one he would treat them like they were time bombs about to explode at any moment. He'd never been around that many babies and zero newborns before Cali came along so I knew it would take a little time before he was comfortable with her. 

Heck. It took (is taking) me time and I was comfortable around babies before her.

To make matters worse, aside from the 72 hours right after she was born, he wasn't with us for the first month of her life so when he saw us Cali and I had already had those 5 weeks to bond and adjust to each other. Realizing this, it was even more important for me to make sure I did everything I could on my part to make him feel connected and important. So I wanted to list some things I tried to do to give him confidence in fatherhood. 

Shut up and let him struggle 
  I don't mean for this to sound cold but I had to remind myself of this constantly. He's a new parent and all new parents struggle at first. I did and that's how I learned. There's nothing that will give you a greater sense of accomplishment than when you have to fight hard for something and you eventually get it so I had to let him experience that.

Understand that we'll do things differently 
How I change her diaper, how I hold her, how I bathed her... All of these are things that I had to figure out what worked best for Cali and I. T had to do the same thing and even though his ways look different than mine, I know he has the same goal in mind - her comfort.

Let him have "his thing"
For T this is bath time. As moms - and especially stay at home moms - we have more opportunities to be around our babies. Dads need to have at least one thing that is always their "job". Giving dad a chance to form a special bond with his child can dramatically improve parent-child relationship and give mom the chance to watch with pride. Now that Cali and T have established their bath routine, you can definitely tell that Cali knows something is wrong when I try to do bath time!

 Affirm him 
All new parents worry that we're not good enough at some point and dads are no different. Having an outside perspective - YOU - reaffirm that he is doing well will help build his confidence in his abilities. No one wants to do things they're not good at, so reminding him that he's a rockstar at being a dad will only serve to fuel his desire to continue getting more involved.

Break some rules 
Sometimes rules need to be broken. I have this thing about nighttime feedings... I like to keep them short and sweet. I keep the lights off, I don't talk to Cali, and I try to get her back in her crib as quickly as possible. But there were times during the season when T wasn't getting to see her that much when he'd pick her up in her crib and just hold and talk to her for a while. To me it was worth breaking the rules so that daddy and daughter could have a little bonding time.

Get excited when he comes home
And not just the 'hand off the baby and run to take a shower' kind of excited. Teach your child how to appreciate the other parent and to get excited to see them at the end of the day. I believe it's important to be an example of love and respect by acting out your appreciation towards your spouse and their hard work.

Share the struggles
He may have no idea that you're just as scared and confused sometimes as he is... so tell him! Let him know that you are constantly learning and adapting right alongside him and that you're in the "trenches" together. Then tell him how much you trust his judgement and abilities to learn new things and how good he is at fatherhood.

I understand all of these aren't natural.  Sometimes it is hard to relinquish control and let dad have a longer leash but maybe give a couple of these a try and if you have any other ideas I'd love to hear them! Parenting is tough and it's even tougher if both parents aren't working as a team. Plus, the more confident dad feels the more he'll want to help!

17 Mini-Date Ideas for New Parents

When I found out that I was pregnant I couldn't have been happier. I had wanted this for so long and the time had finally come.

Then I panicked.

I freaked over a lot of things but towards the end of my pregnancy (when hormones were out of control), I really started worrying about how T and I would handle it as a married couple. I had heard a lot of statistics about how your chances for divorce increase significantly after your first child and I didn't want that to happen to us. 

We love Cali more than anything but we still want to make sure that we make our marriage a priority and so we try to find little ways to connect with each other on a daily basis. We're both cheap frugal so we were never big on going out even before Cali came along and now we just don't want to ever leave her. So that leaves us with what we like to call "mini-dates".  We (yup! T helped) came up with some ideas for FREE (mostly) mini-date ideas for new parents. Some are for at home while the baby is sleeping and some are baby friendly. So here we go!

No Babies Allowed!

Cook dinner together - T tries to avoid this one but having him in the kitchen gives us a chance to do an activity together before it's chow time.  He also says he would hang out more if there were a recliner in the kitchen area.

Chat over breakfast during morning nap - This allows you to have some quiet time together before the hustle and bustle of the day.

Movie night (Pick a short movie because it may get interrupted!) T would tell you that if HE picks the movie I will fall asleep before it is over.

Exchange foot massages - There is nothing like a good foot massage to end the day.

Game night - Board game, card game, twister?  Last year we played a game called Casino.  The card games were effective at keeping our competitive juices flowing.

Make out like teenagers - Anywhere, anytime! Why not?

Husband/wife Bible study - We like to come together on more than just the newest episode of New Girl (even though I love that show!)

Spa night - He paints toes and she plucks his hairs?

Mini vow renewal - Re-make promises to each other and have a dance.  This might be the hardest to get your significant other to do but it's worth a shot!

Make photo collages - I can get lost looking through the first 6 months of photos of Cali.  One day I'll want her to know and be able to see how much we loved her through this time.

Baby Tag-a-long 

Walks around park or neighborhood - Cali is a big fan of being outside and checking out the scenery.  The added exercise for mom and dad couldn't hurt either.

Bath time - Both parents involved. It's a lot of fun! There is a level of closeness that takes place between the baby and parent during bath time.  Why leave someone out?

Picnics - Nature...check!  Fresh air...check!  Food and snacks...check!  Baby...double check!

Family Photo ops - Can you say "selfies"?

Work out together - This is kind of cheating because baby goes in the nursery.  Our relationship strengthens through our support and teamwork while working out together.

Family church outing - Baby also in nursery.  Body strength in the weight room, soul strength at church.  

Window shopping - Babies love new sights and sounds; explore them with her/him!  T would also say that I have used the phrase, "Cali wanted to buy this" a number of times the last few months.

Those are just some ideas for simple ways to stay connected with your spouse even with a baby. No matter what you choose to do, make sure you continue to respect each other as individuals and always speak with kindness. It makes a world of difference!

10 Surprising Things About Being a New Mom

I've known my whole life that I wanted to be a mother. I've always said that I'll take as many kids as God is willing to give me and I can provide for. You see, my parents are "houseparents" at a children's home called the Big Oak Ranch and we've lived there since I was 5. So my entire life I've grown up with at least 10 people in the house, but often times more. The noise and chaos can be a bit much sometimes but you're never bored.

Or, you shouldn't be. 

Even with having grown up around a large family and always knowing that I wanted children, I was never around too many babies so there have been a few surprises! 

OK. There have been a ton of surprises but seeing as how this post would be never ending if I listed them all (since I'm surprised on a daily basis), I'm only going to list a few. 

But here you go. A few things that have surprised me about being a first time mother:

1. How interested I would become in *cringe* bowel movements -  It's inevitable. You're 100% responsible for this tiny, living, human and so therefore you'll be in charge of it's poop. I knew I'd have to change diapers, that's a given, but I didn't realize just how interested I would become in it. I've Googled pictures of it, smelled it, observed the color of it, saved it to show the doctor. Yes, I've walked around with a cloth diaper full of poop in my purse. For someone that used to like to pretend that poop didn't exist, I've become somewhat of an expert.

2. That I would actually enjoy breastfeeding - Look, I know the research, I know what's best for my child, I know it's natural. But never did I ever (HA!) think I would breastfeed. Much less enjoy it. I said up until the day I gave birth that I couldn't imagine doing it. I knew she'd need my milk so I thought I'd just pump it and bottle feed her (which is a totally hard and amazing thing to do for you moms that choose to!) but when the nurses laid her on my chest for the first time, there was an instant change in thinking. She latched on, and we never looked back. We were extremely blessed not to experience any problems so this probably has something to do with why I like it.

3. The fact that I could love my husband more than I already did - T and I have been best friends from the start. We enjoy hanging out and spending our days together and I loved the life we had built with just the two of us. I thought I loved him to my fullest capabilities but, obviously, I was wrong. Watching him and Cali together has expanded my capacity to love more than I ever thought possible. Loving him as a husband and loving him as a dad are two completely different feelings.

4. How much I would miss sleep -  This is another one that you think you're prepared for, but you're not really. At least I wasn't. They say you'll be tired, yada, yada, yada. I had no idea. There was a while there that I started seeing things that weren't there I was so tired. I felt like the walking dead... literally. Like a haze over my eyes where I was living in the world but not completely computing everything that was going on around me. It's brutal. And a form of torture in war. I get it now. But at least I get to stare at her adorable face while I'm sleep deprived. Totally worth it. 

5. The fact that I could think fat rolls are so friggin cute - Seriously. Have you ever seen chunky, baby thighs? Cutest. Thing. Ever.

6. How much I would get peed/pooped on - And not think anything of it. Really. It's like she waits to urinate and blow that nasty crap (literally) until her diaper is off and I'm leaning in. And how do I react? I just wipe it off and keep on keepin' on. Just another day in the life of...

7. How hard it would be to leave her - This one was a doozy for me. I'm not positive if it's because we spend so much time just the two of us during baseball season or if it's something that all moms go through but leaving her in nursery for the first time was BRUTAL. And it wasn't even real nursery. We were at the gym and it was 30 minutes and I was less than 50 yards away. By the time I went to get her I was convinced she liked the nursery worker better than me and that she was mad that I had left her. Obviously I'm crazy but the feelings were there no matter how many times I told myself they were irrational. I can only pray I don't scar her for life with my insanity.

8. How absolutely terrifying it is - From the moment I found out that I was pregnant (and convinced I had a brain tumor), to this very minute I have been terrified. I worry about how she sleeps, how much she sleeps, how she poops, how her hand moves, whether she's laughing enough, whether she's socializing enough, will she like me?, does she know me?, am I going to teach her right from wrong, etc. Again, this probably isn't normal (and definitely not healthy... I know that) but the fact of the matter is that it's a constant struggle for me. I have always leaned towards expecting the worst (which is also something I need to work on) and that didn't change with having Cali. It only intensified. All I can do is hide my fears from her and - once again - pray that she's not as crazy as I am.

9. How hard it is - I'll admit something to you: I probably judged you before I had a kid. I probably criticized the way your kid slept, was dressed, how they behaved, how clean/messy your house was, your relationship with your husband, etc. I read a few books and thought I knew it all. BOY, WAS I WRONG. So here I am... Apologizing to all of you. I'm an idiot and a reformed know-it-all. It's freaking HARD. I'm lucky to make it out of every day with both Cali and I in tact. 

10. How little time I would actually have to myself and not mind - Because even when you're physically by yourself, you're not. You're listening for them to wake up, you're cleaning up after them, you're thinking about their well-being, you're wondering how you'll ever get all of the spit up stains off of your best shirts. It's never ending and I can only imagine it only gets to be more as they get older and mobile. Crap. I'm not even close to being prepared for that. I need to child proof everything now. But you know what? I love her so much that I don't miss the alone time. I didn't see that one coming at all. 

Anyways, as tough and hard and exhausting as it all is... I love her to my very core. 

I'm going to go give up some very precious alone time to stare at her while she sleeps.

Until next time.