My Experience With Sleep Training

If you've ended up on this page exhausted, bleary eyed, and shaky from so much caffeine, I understand. 

I, too, have been there.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Cali in 2012, the first thing I did was go buy 17 more pregnancy tests to confirm. The second thing I did was go buy every "baby sleep book" the bookstore sold. 

It's one of the first things you hear when you tell people you're pregnant... "Good luck. Get ready to never sleep again". 

Well, of course, I was going to be different. MY kids were going to sleep because all you have to do is put a little effort into it. The people whose kids don't sleep? Those people are lazy and they've just never taught their kids to sleep.

Just watch me, people. I'll show you how to do it.

What's that? Oh. You want to know my secret? Sure. I'll share it with you. Here is all of the "sleep training" advice I received and followed to a T.

Here we go...

1. Put the baby down in their crib "drowsy but awake".

This is the big one, guys. Simply rock (and rock, and rock, and roll your eyes at, and rock, and sing to, and walk around, and sing to some more, and rock some more, and sprinkle magic unicorn dust on) the baby until they're drowsy and tired but NOT yet asleep. Then lay them down in their crib and they'll drift off peacefully all by themselves...

What will probably happen next is the baby will scream their bloody head off until you pick them up again and rock (and rock, and roll your eyes at, and rock some more, and sing to, and bounce some more) them back down to their drowsy state. What's that saying? "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, again". Keep at it, folks. They eventually will put themselves to sleep.

2. Don't nurse/feed them to sleep when they have midnight wakings.

I'll be honest. I didn't/don't follow this rule 100%. I'm about 50/50 BUT if what they say is true, that should be ok. Half of the time my kids go back to sleep without being nursed. 

3. Keep the lights low on midnight wakings and don't engage the baby.

Pretty self explanatory. Don't make eye contact. Don't speak to them a lot, Don't make waking up at ungodly hours of the night fun and interesting.

4. Use white noise.

Guys. It's like a wind tunnel in our bedroom. We've got so much white noise that it drowns out my thoughts. I'm not entirely sure if it's supposed to drown out sounds for the baby or drown out the baby sounds from me. Either way, this is one sleep rule we've never had a problem following.

5. Swaddle. 

Sure. OK. Done. Baby's wrapped up so tight if they're ever admitted to the psych ward, the straight jacket will feel familiar.

6. Make the room as dark as possible.

Not only do I have black-out pull down shades. I've got black-out blinds AND curtains. Yes, people, I have THREE FREAKING LAYERS of black-out paraphernalia on my windows. No stray of light left behind. Or let in. Whatever. 

So those are the main "rules". And I followed them. For realz, y'all. And you know what happened?

You can probably guess. I mean, ALLLLLL the books and people say "if you just follow these 'simple' (this word is very relative) rules from the beginning, you'll have a perfect sleeper."

So I listened to them. I DID. I spent hours trying to find that elusive "drowsy but awake" stage. I spent even more hours of my precious hours patting my babies butts and "shhhhh'ing" them back to sleep to help them self soothe. I did/do this so much my back hurts from bending over the crib so much.

AND GUESS WHAT.

My babies (yes, both) woke up and cried and wanted me. And woke up some more crying. Aaaaaand woke up again. On and on and on and on and on. No matter how many times they put themselves back to sleep. No matter how many times I didn't nurse them. No matter how tightly they were swaddled. No matter how dark the room is. NO MATTER WHAT I DID, they just want to know I'm still there. They want me to pat them, shhhhh them, just wake up from my peaceful sleep and let them know I'm there. 

Sure, I'm not nursing them 100 times a night and technically they can put themselves back to sleep without me picking them up, but I still have to get my butt out of bed and make them aware of my presence. 

It's great. 

*eye roll*

I haven't slept in 3 years.

BUT. 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel! 

Cali is now 3 and last night she slept 6 hours straight without waking up!

Woooooo-hooooo!!!

Look, OBVIOUSLY this post is (mostly) sarcastic and in jest. I really did follow these rules and I really do still have bad (horrible) sleepers. So, I honestly can't help you if your kid doesn't sleep. Trust me. I'm literally the last person you want to take sleep advice from. BUT just know that if you, too, have followed all the rules and you're still a zombie because your kid STILL doesn't sleep, you're not alone. I'm tired with you! And you're not doing anything wrong.

Do you need to hear that again?

You're not doing anything wrong.

It took (and is taking) me a very long time to convince myself of this. Because, truth be told, you probably run into a lot of women who's kids seem to have their sleep shish together. They're rockstars. 12 hours straight by 12 weeks and they never look back! Woo!

Well, good for them. 

I have no idea how they did it.

Go ask them.

All I can give you is my sympathy.

And encouragement.

Keep on keeping on.

I mean, they eventually have to sleep. 

Right?

RIGHT??

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

Please, God. Tell me they eventually sleep...

10 Surprising Things About Being a New Mom

I've known my whole life that I wanted to be a mother. I've always said that I'll take as many kids as God is willing to give me and I can provide for. You see, my parents are "houseparents" at a children's home called the Big Oak Ranch and we've lived there since I was 5. So my entire life I've grown up with at least 10 people in the house, but often times more. The noise and chaos can be a bit much sometimes but you're never bored.

Or, you shouldn't be. 

Even with having grown up around a large family and always knowing that I wanted children, I was never around too many babies so there have been a few surprises! 

OK. There have been a ton of surprises but seeing as how this post would be never ending if I listed them all (since I'm surprised on a daily basis), I'm only going to list a few. 

But here you go. A few things that have surprised me about being a first time mother:

1. How interested I would become in *cringe* bowel movements -  It's inevitable. You're 100% responsible for this tiny, living, human and so therefore you'll be in charge of it's poop. I knew I'd have to change diapers, that's a given, but I didn't realize just how interested I would become in it. I've Googled pictures of it, smelled it, observed the color of it, saved it to show the doctor. Yes, I've walked around with a cloth diaper full of poop in my purse. For someone that used to like to pretend that poop didn't exist, I've become somewhat of an expert.

2. That I would actually enjoy breastfeeding - Look, I know the research, I know what's best for my child, I know it's natural. But never did I ever (HA!) think I would breastfeed. Much less enjoy it. I said up until the day I gave birth that I couldn't imagine doing it. I knew she'd need my milk so I thought I'd just pump it and bottle feed her (which is a totally hard and amazing thing to do for you moms that choose to!) but when the nurses laid her on my chest for the first time, there was an instant change in thinking. She latched on, and we never looked back. We were extremely blessed not to experience any problems so this probably has something to do with why I like it.

3. The fact that I could love my husband more than I already did - T and I have been best friends from the start. We enjoy hanging out and spending our days together and I loved the life we had built with just the two of us. I thought I loved him to my fullest capabilities but, obviously, I was wrong. Watching him and Cali together has expanded my capacity to love more than I ever thought possible. Loving him as a husband and loving him as a dad are two completely different feelings.

4. How much I would miss sleep -  This is another one that you think you're prepared for, but you're not really. At least I wasn't. They say you'll be tired, yada, yada, yada. I had no idea. There was a while there that I started seeing things that weren't there I was so tired. I felt like the walking dead... literally. Like a haze over my eyes where I was living in the world but not completely computing everything that was going on around me. It's brutal. And a form of torture in war. I get it now. But at least I get to stare at her adorable face while I'm sleep deprived. Totally worth it. 

5. The fact that I could think fat rolls are so friggin cute - Seriously. Have you ever seen chunky, baby thighs? Cutest. Thing. Ever.

6. How much I would get peed/pooped on - And not think anything of it. Really. It's like she waits to urinate and blow that nasty crap (literally) until her diaper is off and I'm leaning in. And how do I react? I just wipe it off and keep on keepin' on. Just another day in the life of...

7. How hard it would be to leave her - This one was a doozy for me. I'm not positive if it's because we spend so much time just the two of us during baseball season or if it's something that all moms go through but leaving her in nursery for the first time was BRUTAL. And it wasn't even real nursery. We were at the gym and it was 30 minutes and I was less than 50 yards away. By the time I went to get her I was convinced she liked the nursery worker better than me and that she was mad that I had left her. Obviously I'm crazy but the feelings were there no matter how many times I told myself they were irrational. I can only pray I don't scar her for life with my insanity.

8. How absolutely terrifying it is - From the moment I found out that I was pregnant (and convinced I had a brain tumor), to this very minute I have been terrified. I worry about how she sleeps, how much she sleeps, how she poops, how her hand moves, whether she's laughing enough, whether she's socializing enough, will she like me?, does she know me?, am I going to teach her right from wrong, etc. Again, this probably isn't normal (and definitely not healthy... I know that) but the fact of the matter is that it's a constant struggle for me. I have always leaned towards expecting the worst (which is also something I need to work on) and that didn't change with having Cali. It only intensified. All I can do is hide my fears from her and - once again - pray that she's not as crazy as I am.

9. How hard it is - I'll admit something to you: I probably judged you before I had a kid. I probably criticized the way your kid slept, was dressed, how they behaved, how clean/messy your house was, your relationship with your husband, etc. I read a few books and thought I knew it all. BOY, WAS I WRONG. So here I am... Apologizing to all of you. I'm an idiot and a reformed know-it-all. It's freaking HARD. I'm lucky to make it out of every day with both Cali and I in tact. 

10. How little time I would actually have to myself and not mind - Because even when you're physically by yourself, you're not. You're listening for them to wake up, you're cleaning up after them, you're thinking about their well-being, you're wondering how you'll ever get all of the spit up stains off of your best shirts. It's never ending and I can only imagine it only gets to be more as they get older and mobile. Crap. I'm not even close to being prepared for that. I need to child proof everything now. But you know what? I love her so much that I don't miss the alone time. I didn't see that one coming at all. 

Anyways, as tough and hard and exhausting as it all is... I love her to my very core. 

I'm going to go give up some very precious alone time to stare at her while she sleeps.

Until next time.

21 Things That No One Ever Tells You Before Your First Baby

***Added 9/11/13... I am overwhelmed by the number of people who have visited my little blog because of this article. I never imagined that this many people would see it! I hope you enjoy it and stay a little while. Feel free to browse my other posts or leave comments! I love feedback :) Have a great day from my little family to yours!***

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I didn't really believe it. T and I had given ourselves a year to conceive because we were in the middle of baseball season and he was gone every other week. Plus, we'd heard that it could take a couple that was actively trying up to 9 months. 

When it only took 1 month I was convinced that the pregnancy test I had taken was expired and faulty. Well, let me be honest. I was convinced that the first 11 tests I had taken were faulty. Then I Googled (ugh) faulty pregnancy tests and learned that there was a brain tumor that could cause raised levels of HCG. Well, I had been having some headaches so yes... that must be what it was. A brain tumor.

My first OBGYN visit didn't alleviate my fears. He didn't do an ultrasound and told me I "may be pregnant but it's early and hard to tell". 

Ummm... OK.

I wasn't having any other symptoms aside from headaches and getting fat. I honestly spent a month after my initial at home test believing that there was a good chance I had a brain tumor and not a baby. I was a little paranoid and suspicious. 

Anyways, once we found a (better) doctor in Atlanta, he did an ultrasound and we got to see our tiny jumping bean in my belly, I finally believed I was pregnant. I quickly found out that when you're pregnant people want to give you a lot of unsolicited advice. They'll advise you on everything from how to get your baby to sleep, what kind of diapers to use, what kind of food you should/shouldn't be eating, how far you should bend over, and what kind of unicorn you should kiss to tell the baby's gender. It never stopped.

After having Cali I decided, that while everyone seemed quick to tell me all sorts of nonsense, no one seemed to want to tell me the real stuff.

So here it is. 21 things that no one tells you before your first baby. 

Before and After Labor

1. Those breathing exercises everyone wants you to do? They're CRAP. They do NOT help lessen the pain of labor. Don't waste your time.
2. Speaking of labor... I had contractions 55 seconds apart from the get-go. When I finally got to the hospital (in an ambulance because I thought I was going to give birth in the car) I was dilated to a ZERO. I had no idea that could happen.
3. When your water breaks, it feels like you're peeing on yourself. It doesn't *gush* (sorry for the descriptive wording) like it does in the movies. (**Apparently, according to commenters, it actually CAN gush! It just goes to show you that every pregnancy is different. Maybe I'll have my own "gushing" experience with the next child. Though I really hope it's not in public!**)
4. Your butt will go numb from sitting in the hospital bed so long after labor. The more you can move, the better.
5. If you go into labor "after hours" the anesthesiologist isn't actually at the hospital. They have to call him when you reach a 4 and it can take him an hour and a half to get there (This may actually vary from hospital to hospital but go ahead and ask just to be prepared).
6. Your baby will not look like a cute cherub all cooing and pink like in movies when it first comes out. They will most likely look like a wrinkly, slimy, mix of an alien and old man.
7. Get thyself some Colace and start taking them as soon as you give birth. That's all I'll say.
8. You'll also want to soak some granny pads and freeze them to have on hand. Just trust me.
9. A hot bath is OK and delightful (I should probably say "ask your doctor" or some such mumbo jumbo but my nurses had me take one 24 hours after delivery and 1 a day for the first 4 weeks post partum). (**According to a nurse in the comments, this advice is controversial. So I actually will say "Ask your doctor"**)
10. You won't actually get tons of sleep in the hospital because the nurses will come in every 30 minutes. Go ahead and stock up now.

Bringing Baby Home

1. You will never be as terrified as you will be the first night you bring your baby home. Feel free to take turns staying up all night holding them and never once laying them in their crib if it makes you feel better.
2. There is a good chance your baby will choke. They won't do it in the hospital where there are nurses and doctors everywhere. No. They'll do it when you're vulnerable and alone at home. Feel free to panic if it makes you feel better but this is completely normal. 
3. The cliche advice of "sleep while the baby sleeps" is bologna. 
4. Even if you're an independent person and don't like people in your space, utilize every available helping hand you can get that first week home. Let them clean, cook, fold clothes, etc, while you hold your new one. They'll soon all forget about you and you'll be left to do it all yourself.
5. Take as many pictures as you want. You'll be a little overwhelmed those first few days home but try to remember to take just a couple of snapshots.
6. You'll still look 6 months pregnant for a while and feel really jiggly. Go ahead and order a Bellefit. BEST. INVESTMENT. EVER. I can't say that enough.
7. Get all your TV watching in now while they sleep 22 hours a day. It will only be about 6-8 weeks before they'll require a lot more attention.
8. Any time some random stranger decides to stop you and tell you how you should be parenting (Which will be every single time you step out in public), try not to hit them. Smile, nod, and walk away. 
9. Your post partum hormones are a doozy. You can't prepare for the onslaught of emotions that will come with giving birth. It's completely normal to feel scared, nervous, and like you're not cut out to be a good parent (If these feelings get worse and not better or last longer than a couple of weeks, talk to someone).
10. That hideous linea nigra? It will still be there up to a year after you give birth. Yeah. I know.
11. The first time you decide to workout (or laugh too hard/climb the stairs too fast/etc) after labor, you'll probably pee on yourself.

So there you have it. The 21 things I felt like you should know before your first baby.

You're welcome.

Oh. And one more...

You'll grow to love this child more than you ever knew you were capable.

Follow the family on Instagram and Twitter!