Monday, November 11, 2013

Re-evaluating, Sleep Training, and Gaining Perspective

Oh. Hi there.

Long time, no "see".

How have you been? Over here in our house we've been... well, tired. Tired, but good. 

The past few weeks have proven to be a huge leap as far as Cali's physical development. She's pulling up to stand, starting to scoot around the furniture, sitting up easily, and definitely "voicing" her opinions. It has been such a blessing to be able to watch her grow and gain independence. 

Hard, as a parent, but such a blessing.

These past few weeks I have also learned how my foot tastes. It's bitter, humbling, and a bit salty. You see, pre baby I knew exactly how I would parent. 

We would have a schedule, structure, by the clock feedings, set nap times, and we would never ever co sleep. 

Like, ever. 

And then I gave birth to Cali. One day her stubborness, determination, and strong will, will be positive attributes. But for now? I'm having to learn to adjust my expectations and go with the flow. 

You can say it's my parenting and that it's my fault she's a ridiculously bad sleeper. It's ok. I can take it. You won't say to me anything I haven't already said to myself. And you won't make me feel any worse than I already do. And maybe it's true. I definitely rocked her to sleep a few times and I definitely never let her cry it out. So yeah... maybe I did this.

Or maybe she's just a strong willed child. Or maybe it's a phase. I don't know.

Either way, the fact is, is that we're here. With her not sleeping anywhere other than next to me. 

Yes. You read that right. We're co-sleeping. 

At least, we have been.

It's not working for us right now. For one, T jerks in his sleep and has knocked me in the face a few times so I'm not comfortable with Cali in the same bed as him. That's left us in separate beds and T and I haven't slept in the same bed in weeks. On top of that, I have to go to bed when Cali goes to bed because as soon as I move she wakes up. Every waking moment - and I mean that literally - I have Cali attached to me and I haven't had alone time in too long. 

I need my alone time. For my sanity.

So here we are. We're starting a very rigid schedule hoping that her internal clock will set to it and she'll sleep better. We're also going to try the pick up/put down method for the next two weeks at bedtime to see if that helps at all. I'm fully expecting it to take 3 hours. HA. 

I'm just not ready to let her cry by herself. I'm not sure that I ever will be. But never say never is what I've learned. I do eventually have to get her to sleep by herself, whether that's in my bed or hers. I'm open to changing my mind and opinion because if there's one thing I've learned, it's to keep an open mind and never judge the way another parent does things. 

Because, well, your foot doesn't taste too good.