Re-evaluating, Sleep Training, and Gaining Perspective

Oh. Hi there.

Long time, no "see".

How have you been? Over here in our house we've been... well, tired. Tired, but good. 

The past few weeks have proven to be a huge leap as far as Cali's physical development. She's pulling up to stand, starting to scoot around the furniture, sitting up easily, and definitely "voicing" her opinions. It has been such a blessing to be able to watch her grow and gain independence. 

Hard, as a parent, but such a blessing.

These past few weeks I have also learned how my foot tastes. It's bitter, humbling, and a bit salty. You see, pre baby I knew exactly how I would parent. 

We would have a schedule, structure, by the clock feedings, set nap times, and we would never ever co sleep. 

Like, ever. 

And then I gave birth to Cali. One day her stubborness, determination, and strong will, will be positive attributes. But for now? I'm having to learn to adjust my expectations and go with the flow. 

You can say it's my parenting and that it's my fault she's a ridiculously bad sleeper. It's ok. I can take it. You won't say to me anything I haven't already said to myself. And you won't make me feel any worse than I already do. And maybe it's true. I definitely rocked her to sleep a few times and I definitely never let her cry it out. So yeah... maybe I did this.

Or maybe she's just a strong willed child. Or maybe it's a phase. I don't know.

Either way, the fact is, is that we're here. With her not sleeping anywhere other than next to me. 

Yes. You read that right. We're co-sleeping. 

At least, we have been.

It's not working for us right now. For one, T jerks in his sleep and has knocked me in the face a few times so I'm not comfortable with Cali in the same bed as him. That's left us in separate beds and T and I haven't slept in the same bed in weeks. On top of that, I have to go to bed when Cali goes to bed because as soon as I move she wakes up. Every waking moment - and I mean that literally - I have Cali attached to me and I haven't had alone time in too long. 

I need my alone time. For my sanity.

So here we are. We're starting a very rigid schedule hoping that her internal clock will set to it and she'll sleep better. We're also going to try the pick up/put down method for the next two weeks at bedtime to see if that helps at all. I'm fully expecting it to take 3 hours. HA. 

I'm just not ready to let her cry by herself. I'm not sure that I ever will be. But never say never is what I've learned. I do eventually have to get her to sleep by herself, whether that's in my bed or hers. I'm open to changing my mind and opinion because if there's one thing I've learned, it's to keep an open mind and never judge the way another parent does things. 

Because, well, your foot doesn't taste too good.

7 Months!... and a Nap Strike

Here we are yet again.

I'm not quite sure how it's happening without my permission but Cali keeps getting older. 7 months!!! I can't believe it. Watching her grow and learn every day is so exciting and watching as she learns new milestones is my favorite part of the day! Lately she's been trying to pull up on things (which I'm TOTALLY not ready for) and she can completely sit up from the crawling position. She has quite the feisty attitude and will definitely let you know when she doesn't like something. She doesn't cry when she can't have her way... she yells at you. Like, banchee scream. We took her to the park the other day and put her in the swing for the first time and SHE LOVED IT. It was a lot of fun.

Also, she decided to celebrate her 7 month birthday with a nap strike. She decided to skip all but one yesterday. But she followed it up with sweet potatoes so it's a wash.

I guess.

Anyways, on to the good part... the pictures. I'm finding that I'm getting less and less good ones these days because the little rascal doesn't ever stop moving so I apologize in advance. I set up a "backdrop" for the pictures and she stayed on it for all of 30 seconds. Most of these pictures were taken as she's lunging for my camera strap.

This is her determined face. She gets it a lot.

                                     

So there ya go. Any time you see her reaching for something or looking away from the camera, it's the camera strap. As soon as she locked in on it, the photo shoot was done for. Which was right after it started.

Oh well. She's cute so she's forgiven.

Calling All Parents! : A Poll on Baby Sleep

I need some reassurance. 

I need some backup.

I need someone to come attach a caffeine IV to my veins and feed me anti-psychotic medicine to get me through this (seemingly) never ending "phase" of no sleep that Cali is going through.

Any takers??? No? Well fine. But at least answer a question for me...

How does your kid sleep???

Cali will be 7 months old in 2 days.

Wait...

What???

How did that happen?? I feel like I just came home from the hospital with her! She can't be closer to 1 than she is a newborn. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Well, I guess I don't have a say in it, huh? At least when she gets older, I can look forward to her talking. It'll be fun to hear what she has to say about this circus of a life we live. 

Anyways, I'm getting off topic.

This picture has nothing to do with sleep but it's cute and I wanted to put it here.

 Cali will be turning 7 months old and for the last month her sleep habits at night have been horrendous. I know it's my fault. I know where I went wrong. But I didn't know then that 2 days of holding her all day after her shots would result in her never wanting to be put down.

Like, ever.

Maybe those two days just happened to run into her separation anxiety. Maybe I have failed in my parenting by not teaching her to "self-sooth". Geez how I hate those words. They taunt me like a mythical unicorn. I hear rumblings and gossip of the nirvana called "self soothing" but I CAN'T EVER SEEM TO FIND IT.

And the whole "Put her down while she's drowsy but awake" nonsense makes me want to scream. I get it. I have a spirited child (she gets it from her dad. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) but to the people that tell me to put her down drowsy I want to say this...

She's mean to me. You do it.

Not really. She's not mean. But really. You do it.

No matter how drowsy I put her down, she pops right back up and yells at me. Like, loud. 

I won't let her cry it out. I can't. It's just not right for this particular family. But there has GOT to be another way... right??

Please tell me there's another way.

And to make matters worse, in the last 2 weeks, I've met some new people. T and I are pretty anti-social happy to stay home a lot so this is improvement for us. Anyways... it never fails that one of the first things people ask me when they find out that I have a daughter is "Is she sleeping through the night?". And then I try really hard to summon my x-ray laser beam to poke their eyeballs out but it never works.

Yet.

When I tell them that no, in fact, she is not sleeping through the night anymore, they look at me with pity and sadness and proceed to give me every piece of advice about how they got their kid to sleep through the night. Really??? Is everybody else's kid sleeping that well by 7 months old and mine is just out to get me?? I need answers people! Am I alone in this?

Anyways, I need everyone to reassure me and remind me that it passes. I did get the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I've just started the sleep logs and am hoping (and crossing my fingers, toes, legs, arms, and wishing on shooting stars) that it helps. I don't mind waking up at night to feed her. I actually enjoy that time we get together. What I do mind is her waking up every hour and it taking me 45 minutes to transfer her back to her crib. 

Do you have any experience with No Cry Sleep Solution? If so, did it make an improvement?

I'll be checking back in about our progress (I'm being optimistic) with this in a few weeks. However, if you're a sleep deprived parent as well, I promise not to rub it in your face at how great Cali will be sleeping.

Too much.

**Disclaimer: I love my sweet, precious, child more than I could've ever imagined. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for every single second I spend with her... even when she's not sleeping. The fact that I am sleep deprived in no way diminishes my love and appreciation for Cali. I know I am blessed and I thank God for her every. single. day. Multiple times a day.**